What's left to lose but the fear of letting go?

NO TENGO PANTALONES :D
jeff davis is pretty much my hero.
seriouuusly.


i'm currently listening to:
The Past Should Stay Dead --by Emarosa



oh, and wanna know what the most adorable little animal in the world is?
the red panda.



they're so adorable! (:
so, all you people out there who don't know what to get me for my birthday (which, fyi, is may 19th), i want one of those adorable little creatures.

•on a little more serious note;
i might have a hole in my heart. it kinda sounds poetic in a way, but it's kinda scary at the same time. like i'm not gonna die or anything. it just means that i pass out a lot and stuff. which i do. but it could also be an imbalance of something in my head. but i like to think that my head is working just fine and that i wont ever need someone digging into my skull to examine my brains. eew much? yeah. but i'm gonna get through this. just like everything else. God gave this to me for a reason and i praise Him for that. thank you.

i've really been re-examining myself, my faith, my everything lately. which i guess everyone needs to do now and then. and i've really grown a lot. in many ways; mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. you name it, i've probably grown in it. i accredit it to the Christian music scene a lot, because really, if i hadn't started listening to family force 5 and other bands, i probably wouldn't have been interested in any Christian music. and through that, when things in my life weren't going so well, and things happened, faith moved mountains for me. such as the dead flower coming back to life; one of the most profound reasons why my faith has grown so much over the past year. once you believe, Jesus is always going to be walking with you. even when you feel He isn't, just know that He is, and in the end, you will prevail. people may let you down, but your faith never will. it may be hard to keep your faith from turning luke-warm at times, but all you have to do is forget some of your reasoning and take a leap of faith. you never know what sorts of wonders are waiting for you in the deep end of your faith.

and you know, re-examining everything, made me realize how lucky i am. how lucky i am to have all the great friends, and wonderful people in my life. what about the people you see in cities, all alone, left out to try and find their way for themselves with no one willing to help. what if you were that person? how would you feel? thinking about those answers makes you shiver at the thought of being alone. it really does make you appreciate how much you really have, and that you need to relish every thread of it, because who knows if it may all be taken away from you one day. and i have some of the best people in the world by my side; the6, family, and other friends. the six, in particular, some of them i have known for over 8 years. it's truly amazing to me at times how great my friends are. how we usually treat each other, the bond that's unshakable, even though we may split up for periods of time, it always comes around in the end. and all our inside jokes, they all mean something so special its just like, unfathomable. its just aah! its great that i have all these people in my life. (: i love you all so so much!

•remotely interesting updates!;
Christmas vacation was pretty great. shopping, friends, new 6 movie (which i'm still perfecting), relaxing, family. everything. just wow, i like 2 week breaks from school.
FYI: for everyone who is trying to call/text me, i dropped my phone in an icy snowbank and now it's completely dead, so i won't be replying anytime soon on that phone haha. but i am getting a new phone soon, so stay tuned, i won't be gone long.
here's a few glimpses at my vacation:


school is so boring. except for the few times when i get to see the people i love, then school's pretty lively and great. just you know, minus the homework and waking up early. the first week back was good. short, but good. haha, it was short because of the snowday on wednesday, and my being absent on thursday, due to my unconsciousness spells. but overall it was a pretty good week. except for the homework i have for science. there's so much. i hate iiit. and i haven't done any of it, even though i was going to like, a couple hours ago, but its all good, i drop science tomorrow (: auditions for "Once Upon A Mattress" start tomorrow. gosh, how i hate that musical. eeew hahah. i'm a little nervous about auditions, but mostly anxious and excited to get back on stage and be with my other friend spectrum again. hopefully my sickness can hold off until after the singing auditions, because, i really dont want to sound like a dying toad. it's really not my style. but i'm just gonna watch a bunch of really real show episodes, and pump up my confidence, and get my energies flowing. and if i have to break out my nadaddy ninja moves, i will. on friday night, me and taylor went to stephanie's basketball game at darrow vs. miss halls. the entire six was supposed to come, but oh well. she had us, her mom, taylor's mom, bryanna, and tyler. so her fan club was a good size (: i wore my shirt, which had some additions to it haha. and after the game, taylor, her mom, and i went to applebees, where we spoke in british accents. from there, taylor came over my household and we watched old stages videos. hahah, and noticed things quite embarassing. it was pretty hilarious.


so anyway, my life is looking up right now, and i like it.
i challenge you all to re-examine yourself this week, and see the things you'd like to see yourself change or grow in. now, i don't mean, go out and completely re-invent yourself to an entirely different person that's not you. just do what you think is rational, for you. it may help you in the long run.

God bless.